[Oz-gifted] Oh, dear! Those Older Children!

[Ellen Hrebeniuk]

At 7:27 PM +1100 2/12/06, Fly2 wrote:

>A few minutes later, "F***! -- Oops!"
>
>chuckle. It was worth a try to see if Daddy followed through eh? Knowing
>your strong feelings about it probably guarantees he will pop it out now
>and then over the years. can you hear the voice of experience?

Well, this is what will be interesting.  He picked up the S-word when 
he was 4 and tried it out at day care.  The carer gave him a Look, he 
said something like "Oh, that's a bad word."  She said "Yes; we don't 
say that word."  He has never said it in our hearing, nor did he 
repeat it at day care.

>If your child is naturally drawn to older children---his real peers
>possibly---then he will be exposed to a lot of things you might not be
>comfortable with.

What I am more concerned about is that he'll be exposed to concepts 
that are hard for *him* to cope with.  Is it better to give him a 
basic sex talk now, unprompted, or mop up the confusion afterwards?! 
I lean to the latter, on the basis that you need interest to form 
understanding.

>FWIW I have found it is better to be open and discuss word use and also
>to ask how they see things, who they see using certain language, where
>etc [...] You probably have several reasons for not swearing and 
>your child will probably enjoy discussing why you see it that way.

A very good idea for my son.

>You also risk setting him up as a judge and jury of his peers if the
>*rule* is too strongly enforced without a wider context. I don't know
>your child but some  GT dc do tend to become *Mr/Ms policeman*.  The
>temptation of a bright spark to correct those around him can be strong
>and not particularly endearing. (voice of experience talking again :-)

LOL -- yes, we have Mr Pipe-Up-at-Inopportune-Moments here too!  I 
don't want him being a dobber, but I do want him to know when someone 
needs to be told on (eg a bully).  This is a difficult enough issue 
for adults, let alone a little kid.  And I think we've found his 
confidence quite challenging.  My husband and I were rather withdrawn 
as children, so we didn't commit the kind of egregious social errors 
that L has.  I seem to spend a lot of time talking about good 
manners, these days...

>WRT subjects like rape, I drew on the story Corrie Ten Boom told in her
>autobiography

I have read The Hiding Place and was wondering if this was worth a go 
-- glad to find that it can work.

>Furthermore, do parents of gifted children find themselves talking about
>sex to the kids earlier?
>
>Depends on the child.  Also, kids in the country grow up just seeing and
>knowing and any nature study makes it all very natural very early. The
>more relaxed and natural you are the easier it will be to discuss
>things. Knowledge is not a problem, ignorance definitely can be..

All our pets are female so unfortunately we won't get the barnyard 
sex ed happening.  I think there's a page in the Horrible Science 
book (and for all I know there's a Horrible Sex book!) and we do 
watch nature specials.  I grew up in an all-female household with 
some frank discussions, but I was 8 rather than 5 when my Mum, in 
true old-style-Catholic fashion, started things off by handing me me 
'Peter and Pamela Grow Up' and slinking away!  Hubby has just 
informed me that he cannot remember *ever* having a discussion about 
sex with his parents -- I'm more worried about him coping with the 
questions, now...
-- 
Ellen Hrebeniuk
Sydney, Australia

Being a librarian is how you change the world.
Nancy Pearl