[Oz-gifted] Oh, dear! Those Older Children!

[Ellen Hrebeniuk]

At 10:04 AM +1100 6/12/06, Amanda Baynham wrote:

>our son also did the *handball/football/soccer
>witholder boys* thing... which we allowed but i set
>the rules of *no playing with kids who bully* and *no
>tackle football*....but the older boys were really
>good with him and whilst treting himlike an age peer
>made sure he was safe at all times..

I hadn't thought of those rules, but I will have a little talk to L 
about them -- thank you.  As with you son, I think he has gravitated 
to the kids who are inclusive (the average, or nasty, 6th-grader is 
unlikely to allow K kids to join in their game in the first place).

>as far as swearing goes we allow the swearing..{ steps
>back and waits for the shock}... i figure if i BAN the
>word then it will make it more attractive... i have 2

I think your reasoning is out, there.  For example, my husband has 
made it very clear that hitting Mummy is a Very Bad Thing (I'm the 
only woman in the house).  I trust that my boys will not grow up 
finding that hitting women is more attractive than hitting men.

>younger girls who are easily influenced by their older
>brother as well.... BUT for each swear word that comes
>into the house we talk about what it MEANS... and then
>ask if the word is appropriate for the situation (ie:
>if he bans his finger is F*** the right word).... and
>help him find some other words that make him feel
>better and express himself...

That's a great idea, especially if the adults are prone to dropping a 
Bad Word every now and again (or frequently!).  Much better than the 
hypocritical you-can't-say-it-even-if-I-can line some parents take. 
The main problem I see with the non-ban approach is the development 
of a Potty Mouth habit -- but your approach prevents that.

>the only words in my house that WILL get a reaction (
>a HUGE reaction) is stupid and idiot ..... becuase
>these are words that are designed to HURT people by
>being mean and attacking someone personally...

We haven't really struck that yet.  One household I know of has the 
"I BEG YOUR PARDON??" approach where the child gets a second chance 
to express himself in a more acceptable way.  Some words, however, 
merited an immediate soap mouthwash, and I believe "stupid" was one 
of them.
-- 
Ellen Hrebeniuk
Sydney, Australia

Being a librarian is how you change the world.
Nancy Pearl